Shattering Shame
Three weeks before my dad died, at an altar during a women’s retreat, God told me in no uncertain terms that He was a good Father and I could trust Him. This was surprising to me because my relationship with my earthly father had been so volatile. But that night, I believed God. I even went so far as to start calling Him my Father, and truly meaning it. Fast forward three weeks to the night my Dad passed as a result of a tragic car accident. I woke up from troubled sleep to a disturbing thought. “Now you are an orphan.” See, my mother had gone on to be with the Lord just a few short years before. In the fourth watch of that night, the lie between my ears was so loud that I stumbled out of bed and to my Bible, unable to fight such falsity without Sword and Spirit. And the Lord met me almost immediately with two scriptures. “A father to the fatherless, a defender of the widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” (Psalm 68:5-6a NIV) “I will not leave you as orphans, but I will come to you.” (John 14:18 NIV) By morning light I had a text from my aunt and uncle; “Anna, you are the daughter of a King. Don’t forget it.” Two more similar sentiments came from across the country via facebook messenger. I hung on to these truths as I grieved the collective death of my parents and bravely faced the world without them. I have repeated these phrases hundreds of times since; especially as I recognized my lifelong agreement with shame. We have a tendency to concede to shame, don’t we? We believe we deserve it and we own it, even wear it like it was our idea. Shame is the apparel of the enemy, that’s why it’s so ill-fitting. It’s how he exerts himself in our story, even after we’ve confessed Jesus as Lord. We partner with shame and we stay in the relationship even after salvation. We fail to comprehend how Jesus went to the cross to bear our sin and our shame. He bore it so we don’t have to. Once I finally recognized my agreement with shame, I began the process of emancipation. With the help of scripture, I corrected my words and even attempted to transform my thinking, but shame had saturated my soul so deeply it seemed unlikely that I might ever fully extricate myself from it’s long shadow. It felt impossible and overwhelming until just a few weeks ago. Again, I was in attendance at a women’s retreat. I had gone to the altar with the intention of
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being available to pray for others, but the the Holy Spirit was so thick in the room that I wound up falling into consuming worship. The presence of God came on me - sometimes I start to shake when the Spirit moves. Oftentimes I’ll feel His invitation, cooperate a bit and then pull back when things start to get too crazy. But that night I felt like the Lord asked me to let go, to surrender to His power and let Him shake me as hard as He liked. And I for whatever reason, I succumbed.
Words fail to describe the moments that followed. God reminded me of my truths: I’m not an orphan. I’m not alone but beloved. I’m a daughter of the King. And then, clear as bell toll ringing through my brain, “And daughters don’t walk in shame!” I repeated what I heard, my declaration growing stronger as the shaking escalated. And then I felt that shame just shatter off of me like a crusty old set of clothes that never had fit quite right. Y’all, He shook the shame right off of me. And I felt new.
I learned that night that the shattering of shame requires the power of the Holy Spirit. We can study and memorize all the scriptures, we can seek God and sing songs and pray and plead; but power is only overcome by power. Shame shatters when God is allowed full access to our frame.
Can you relate to this wrestle with shame? Have you tried to drive out shame’s indoctrination in your own strength? Perhaps you can appreciate the ineffectiveness of human effort. Shame is only shed by the power of the Holy Spirit. The same power that raised Christ from the dead also lifts us out of the after effects of sin. Pray in the Spirit and ask for His help; our good Father wants to set His daughters free.
Lord, we see that shame is far too powerful for our own breakthrough. We need Your help: send Your Word and Your Spirit to shatter our shame. May we cooperate with Your infilling, shaking off the after effects of sin as only You can. Overpower shame once and for all and set us free to follow You fully. Amen.